President Bush, troubled by the decline in his approval ratings, has decided to make a frontal assault on Hollywood, a bastion of his disapproval ratings, by scheduling lunch with one of its most persistently adversarial spokespeople, Jane Fonda. Mr. Bush said, ?I look forward to meeting with Ms. Fonda. She?s said so many outrageous things about me over the years, it will be a real pleasure to break bread, as it were. If I get through the lunch intact, I plan to move on to the next person on my guest list, Barbra Streisand.?

This is a guide for all you people out there who suffer from hangovers in a big way. Hopefully this will help in your recovery from a night of over indulgence.

The Palestinian leadership, experiencing an ongoing cash crunch because the civilized world refuses to support its unachievable vow to destroy Israel, suffered the indignity of being assaulted by its own unpaid workers, who shouted ?We are hungry!? But, just in the nickel of time, the Palestinian Foreign Minister managed to smuggle a suitcase loaded with $20 million in cash into Gaza. He had slipped in from Egypt, on his way back from a successful begging trip to Indonesia, Malaysia, Brunei, China, Pakistan, Iran and Egypt.

Pity the neglected insurgents in Iraq. Since the Israeli-Hezbollah conflict has taken center stage in the ongoing tragedy called The Triumph Over Terrorism, the war in Iraq has been relegated, even if briefly, to the wings. Obviously, the insurgents in what was once, perhaps, a nation, though subjugated by murderous tyranny, had grown used to their starring role on the world?s overly troubled stage, as the leading villains in the unfortunate tale. Malcontent with their ...

?Excellent, Dan! See you today for your first class,? Dr. Richard Coburn told the university?s star football player, who had just called to sign up for the doctor?s controversial course in abstinence, which was based on his hot new book, Just Say No To Sex. Since Dan Fox, like many a star athlete, was much beloved by the girls, his call had surprised even the ebulliently confident doctor. Just as Dr. Coburn hung up, his lovely and voluptuous daughter, who was also his prize student, returned from class, pausing just long enough to wave good-bye to the latest throng of male admirers who hooted from a passing convertible.

A middle-aged couple take up mountain biking.

On hearing of President Bush?s intention to send the National Guard to patrol our borders with Mexico, Mexican immigrants flocked to Guard headquarters across the nation to sign up for duty. While waiting in line, an applicant, Carlos Amigos, told us, ?The President has given us a truly wonderful opportunity to help our families and friends in Mexico. Now we have a much better chance of helping them get to America.?

The English language can be an effective tool, but it?s definitely a learning process that many in cyberspace haven?t bothered to complete. Could those writers have spent more time paying attention to detail when they were young? Probably. However, this did allow a few of them to pen an array of unintentional witticisms.

Here is a humorous look at soap operas 36 years ago. See how closely they mirror today's offerings. This will also show an author how NOT to run sentences on.

When my daughter was very young, one night she was saying her prayers. She paused and asked me, "Mom, if I pray for a rainbow, will God make one?" Well, what could I say? Anyone who can part the Red Sea, can make a rainbow for a six-year-old. I hem-hawed around for a few seconds, and then told her that, yes, if she believed... Then I thought, "What have I done? What if there's no rainbow tomorrow? What if there are no clouds?